Today I feel scared, stressed and angry. My mom is on her 8th day in the neuro critical care unit of one of the best hospitals in the country and she is yet to wake up. She was brought here at 2AM last Tuesday due to a ruptured aneurysm and since then she hasn't woken up.
I'm scared because just when I think we can breathe something slaps me across the face. The first operation went well but three days later I was told that my mom developed hydrocephalus and a fever. After her second surgery she developed a higher fever and her blood pressure keeps on fluctuating.
I'm stressed because I've a small family and someone is required to be here at all times. In the mornings, it's usually just me.
I'm angry because even though my mom isn't getting worse, she isn't getting better either. If she is improving, it's just by small fractions. I guess that's better. Though, there really is nobody to direct my anger at. I've noticed that for the past few days my patience is wearing thin. I've snapped at my family more than several times. I've gone out of the waiting room where I'm afraid I'll snap at the annoying visitors.
Today, this is how i feel
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Hi Nikki. I understand your situation and my prayers goes to your my mom and your whole family. I pray that your mom will recover soon and i pray that you and your family will have more strength to pull thorough all the odds.
My mom was pretty sick too last year but prayers really do help as we never stop praying and she is okay right now.
As to relieve your stress, I suggest you go to a quite place, if you have time, and just unwind. Maybe you can listen to songs that may calm you down or even read a book that would inspire you. By doing that you will not only be calm but also will garner enough strength to pull through the following days.
My mom was pretty sick too last year but prayers really do help as we never stop praying and she is okay right now.
As to relieve your stress, I suggest you go to a quite place, if you have time, and just unwind. Maybe you can listen to songs that may calm you down or even read a book that would inspire you. By doing that you will not only be calm but also will garner enough strength to pull through the following days.
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carina_gino20
- Platinum Member
- Posts: 1016
- Joined: 16 years ago
It's nice to read about how Libera's music really do affect people beyond the concerts and promotional stuff.
As for me, these past few weeks have been a cycle of faith and nagging doubt. Because there have been times when I thought I finally solved a problem but then after awhile, I realize that I haven't. It gets frustrating after awhile and yes, those times doubt creeps in. It's a constant struggle.
That is why, when I first listened to Peace (it wasn't without tears, to be honest), the line that really struck me was "I do not ask to see the distant scene, one step enough for me." Those are very beautiful words from Cardinal Newman and I would've missed them if not for Libera. What's more is that they added the beauty of their music to it. Since then, this line has been constantly running in my head. Because everyday is always a challenge for me to keep on trusting in God.
Nikki, I will keep your Mom in my prayers. I cannot imagine the fear you and your family is going through right now. I can only offer my prayer. If you are Catholic (even if you're not, as long as you're not averse to praying for saints' intercessions), I would suggest praying to St. Jude, the patron saint of desperate causes. He has helped me out many times. Take care and please keep us updated.
As for me, these past few weeks have been a cycle of faith and nagging doubt. Because there have been times when I thought I finally solved a problem but then after awhile, I realize that I haven't. It gets frustrating after awhile and yes, those times doubt creeps in. It's a constant struggle.
That is why, when I first listened to Peace (it wasn't without tears, to be honest), the line that really struck me was "I do not ask to see the distant scene, one step enough for me." Those are very beautiful words from Cardinal Newman and I would've missed them if not for Libera. What's more is that they added the beauty of their music to it. Since then, this line has been constantly running in my head. Because everyday is always a challenge for me to keep on trusting in God.
Nikki, I will keep your Mom in my prayers. I cannot imagine the fear you and your family is going through right now. I can only offer my prayer. If you are Catholic (even if you're not, as long as you're not averse to praying for saints' intercessions), I would suggest praying to St. Jude, the patron saint of desperate causes. He has helped me out many times. Take care and please keep us updated.
"I'm drowning here, and you're describing the water!" - Melvin Udall
Nikki my thoughts are with you dearly.
I too understand where you are coming from for my grandfather and I are taking care of my grandmother(shes currently nowhere near your mothers situation which I hope improves greatly!) who is in stage 4 cancer with masses continually developing all over the place. Now this may feel different because she is a grandmother, but in the way I know what you are going through right now is because I regard my grandmother as my mother(as she raised me since birth and shes only 61 years old).
It is going to be hard and frustrating, and you will continue to get angry because I know I do, and my grandmother is home and bed ridden.
But just think of this, no matter how frustrated and angry you may get, you are there and you have a chance to be with her(i'm all for her full recovery). In turn I'm sure your mother will be eternally grateful for the willing sacrifices you are making everyday for her. I'm sure she is proud to have a wonderful daughter such as yourself by her side! If you are religous then I will say this, God will eternally bless you for your loving heart. And if you are not religious then Karma will repay you handsomely(even though i know that is probably faaaaaaar from your mind.)
Continue to be strong, not only for your mother, but for yourself as well. Again my thoughts are with your family.
I too understand where you are coming from for my grandfather and I are taking care of my grandmother(shes currently nowhere near your mothers situation which I hope improves greatly!) who is in stage 4 cancer with masses continually developing all over the place. Now this may feel different because she is a grandmother, but in the way I know what you are going through right now is because I regard my grandmother as my mother(as she raised me since birth and shes only 61 years old).
It is going to be hard and frustrating, and you will continue to get angry because I know I do, and my grandmother is home and bed ridden.
But just think of this, no matter how frustrated and angry you may get, you are there and you have a chance to be with her(i'm all for her full recovery). In turn I'm sure your mother will be eternally grateful for the willing sacrifices you are making everyday for her. I'm sure she is proud to have a wonderful daughter such as yourself by her side! If you are religous then I will say this, God will eternally bless you for your loving heart. And if you are not religious then Karma will repay you handsomely(even though i know that is probably faaaaaaar from your mind.)
Continue to be strong, not only for your mother, but for yourself as well. Again my thoughts are with your family.
Deshaun(day-shawn!)
"Music is my Refuge. I can just crawl in between the spaces of the notes and curl my back to the loneliness."- Maya Angelou
"Music is my Refuge. I can just crawl in between the spaces of the notes and curl my back to the loneliness."- Maya Angelou
I don't like being mean to anyone, it's just that there are times when I just snap. I snap even at the smallest things. Like earlier tonight when my brother forgot something in the car and he and my dad wouldn't go down to get it and I ended up snapping at both of them and went down in my pj's.
I'm so irritated... and the fact is, I know that normally, it wouldn't have mattered, it's just that I'm under a lot of stress right now.
One of the things that gets me through is the fact that I know some people who are in the same situation. I'm not sure if it's done in other countries but in the Philippines, someone always stays with the patient while confined in a hospital. In the hospital where my mom is confined, there is a waiting room for all the watchers. We've been here a week and we're one of the new ones. One family has been there for two weeks. Another one has been there since December last year.
But thank you all for your advise. Much appreciated.
I'm so irritated... and the fact is, I know that normally, it wouldn't have mattered, it's just that I'm under a lot of stress right now.
One of the things that gets me through is the fact that I know some people who are in the same situation. I'm not sure if it's done in other countries but in the Philippines, someone always stays with the patient while confined in a hospital. In the hospital where my mom is confined, there is a waiting room for all the watchers. We've been here a week and we're one of the new ones. One family has been there for two weeks. Another one has been there since December last year.
But thank you all for your advise. Much appreciated.
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carina_gino20
- Platinum Member
- Posts: 1016
- Joined: 16 years ago
You're not alone in this. I snap at my parents too much for much more trivial reasons. And I really regret it when I do, but it happens. I just try to remind myself to choose love. Most of the time, I forget this. When I remember, things usually turn out for the better.Nikki178 wrote:I don't like being mean to anyone, it's just that there are times when I just snap. I snap even at the smallest things. Like earlier tonight when my brother forgot something in the car and he and my dad wouldn't go down to get it and I ended up snapping at both of them and went down in my pj's.
Take care.
"I'm drowning here, and you're describing the water!" - Melvin Udall
Thanks xsakurax
Hey carina, thanks for asking about my mom's development.
The doctors said that she is "neurologically stable" and that she's improving. They removed a tube they had but to drain out water from her brain (she developed a case of hydrocephalus a few days after her first operation) yesterday. Her temperature was stable at 36 to 37 though it went up a bit to 38 late this evening.
She opens her eyes when someone turns her (as is required to bed-ridden patients) and she responds to stimulation (doctors and nurses usually test this by pinching her and tickling her feet).
She is yet, however, to respond to us when we call her. We tried doing music therapy this afternoon: we got an iPod and played her songs we know she likes (sadly, my mom falls asleep with Libera and right now, that's the last thing we want to happen). At least nobody asked us to leave because visitors are supposedly limited to two people and there were three of us and we were sort of singing to the songs we were playing.
Hey carina, thanks for asking about my mom's development.
The doctors said that she is "neurologically stable" and that she's improving. They removed a tube they had but to drain out water from her brain (she developed a case of hydrocephalus a few days after her first operation) yesterday. Her temperature was stable at 36 to 37 though it went up a bit to 38 late this evening.
She opens her eyes when someone turns her (as is required to bed-ridden patients) and she responds to stimulation (doctors and nurses usually test this by pinching her and tickling her feet).
She is yet, however, to respond to us when we call her. We tried doing music therapy this afternoon: we got an iPod and played her songs we know she likes (sadly, my mom falls asleep with Libera and right now, that's the last thing we want to happen). At least nobody asked us to leave because visitors are supposedly limited to two people and there were three of us and we were sort of singing to the songs we were playing.
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carina_gino20
- Platinum Member
- Posts: 1016
- Joined: 16 years ago
And this started because of the aneurysm? My mom's a doctor and my sister's a med student but I really don't know much about these things. Did they say why she's not waking up?
It's a good thing, though, that she is still responding to some stimulation. There is hope.
I hope you feel better these days. When you feel frazzled because of the long hours spent in the hospital, just remember that the best gift you can ever give your mother is your presence.
Meantime, will keep on praying here.
It's a good thing, though, that she is still responding to some stimulation. There is hope.
I hope you feel better these days. When you feel frazzled because of the long hours spent in the hospital, just remember that the best gift you can ever give your mother is your presence.
Meantime, will keep on praying here.
"I'm drowning here, and you're describing the water!" - Melvin Udall
Nikki178 wrote:Thanks xsakurax
Hey carina, thanks for asking about my mom's development.
The doctors said that she is "neurologically stable" and that she's improving. They removed a tube they had but to drain out water from her brain (she developed a case of hydrocephalus a few days after her first operation) yesterday. Her temperature was stable at 36 to 37 though it went up a bit to 38 late this evening.
She opens her eyes when someone turns her (as is required to bed-ridden patients) and she responds to stimulation (doctors and nurses usually test this by pinching her and tickling her feet).
She is yet, however, to respond to us when we call her. We tried doing music therapy this afternoon: we got an iPod and played her songs we know she likes (sadly, my mom falls asleep with Libera and right now, that's the last thing we want to happen). At least nobody asked us to leave because visitors are supposedly limited to two people and there were three of us and we were sort of singing to the songs we were playing.
It's good to hear of the improvement, hydrocephalus is unfortunate(i permenately have but i have an inner tube that drains it). I will continue to hope and have faith in her improvement, baby steps work and hopefully soon she will reply to vocal stimulation.
Deshaun(day-shawn!)
"Music is my Refuge. I can just crawl in between the spaces of the notes and curl my back to the loneliness."- Maya Angelou
"Music is my Refuge. I can just crawl in between the spaces of the notes and curl my back to the loneliness."- Maya Angelou
Yes, this all started with a ruptured aneurysm. My sister is a med student too and she's really strict. Since my mom's fever won't stay away, she's ordered all of us to not go inside my mom's room and just talk to her from the door and it really really irritates her when someone other than the nurses and doctors go inside.carina_gino20 wrote:And this started because of the aneurysm? My mom's a doctor and my sister's a med student but I really don't know much about these things. Did they say why she's not waking up?
It's a good thing, though, that she is still responding to some stimulation. There is hope.
I hope you feel better these days. When you feel frazzled because of the long hours spent in the hospital, just remember that the best gift you can ever give your mother is your presence.
Meantime, will keep on praying here.
Theoretically, when all the blood that was left over from the operation has been absorbed back into the brain and when the swelling decreases enough, she should wake up.
Yesterday she started moving her arms and legs more. We've put a small mp3 player to play songs she likes. My family still refuses to play Libera for my mom ("because they sound too much like angels, you're mom might think she's in Heaven and we don't want that to happen yet").
I've started telling her stories (I watched "Remember Me" and I was telling her how much the movie didn't make sense to me). I used to just stand there since I've no stories to tell her because I've always been in the hospital.
Today I feel worse than ever with this "cold" that I think has transformed into something else but because I have no health insurance yet I cannot get checked out. I've been working non-stop, 7 days a week minimum 60 hours or more a week so that does not help.
On top of this, my grandmother, who has raised me since I was 3 years old(im 21 now), been through everything with me, from first falls, first day of school, just about first everything, is on her death bed. She has been suffering Ovarian cancer and endometrial cancer for the past 5 years, and it seems to be that she is suddenly losing the battle. It's hurting to see her in so much pain and not being able to anything about it. I'm scared more than I've ever been and it's frustrating. It's so hard to see this rock, the backbone of the family suddenly deteriorate without much warning. I feel useless just not knowing what to do, what my next step will be and should be. She's always done everything as far as bills and etc and no I feel like a chicken with its head cut off.
I thought I had accepted her dying, but everyday it's getting harder and harder to see the woman who has always been my mother slip away.....
On top of this, my grandmother, who has raised me since I was 3 years old(im 21 now), been through everything with me, from first falls, first day of school, just about first everything, is on her death bed. She has been suffering Ovarian cancer and endometrial cancer for the past 5 years, and it seems to be that she is suddenly losing the battle. It's hurting to see her in so much pain and not being able to anything about it. I'm scared more than I've ever been and it's frustrating. It's so hard to see this rock, the backbone of the family suddenly deteriorate without much warning. I feel useless just not knowing what to do, what my next step will be and should be. She's always done everything as far as bills and etc and no I feel like a chicken with its head cut off.
I thought I had accepted her dying, but everyday it's getting harder and harder to see the woman who has always been my mother slip away.....
Deshaun(day-shawn!)
"Music is my Refuge. I can just crawl in between the spaces of the notes and curl my back to the loneliness."- Maya Angelou
"Music is my Refuge. I can just crawl in between the spaces of the notes and curl my back to the loneliness."- Maya Angelou
You will be in my prayers my friend. I know exactly what you are going through.irishoreo wrote:Today I feel worse than ever with this "cold" that I think has transformed into something else but because I have no health insurance yet I cannot get checked out. I've been working non-stop, 7 days a week minimum 60 hours or more a week so that does not help.
On top of this, my grandmother, who has raised me since I was 3 years old(im 21 now), been through everything with me, from first falls, first day of school, just about first everything, is on her death bed. She has been suffering Ovarian cancer and endometrial cancer for the past 5 years, and it seems to be that she is suddenly losing the battle. It's hurting to see her in so much pain and not being able to anything about it. I'm scared more than I've ever been and it's frustrating. It's so hard to see this rock, the backbone of the family suddenly deteriorate without much warning. I feel useless just not knowing what to do, what my next step will be and should be. She's always done everything as far as bills and etc and no I feel like a chicken with its head cut off.
I thought I had accepted her dying, but everyday it's getting harder and harder to see the woman who has always been my mother slip away.....
Tom B.
Proud to be an American
Clan Farquharson, Scotland
"I AM THE DAWN OF ALL TIME."
Proud to be an American
Clan Farquharson, Scotland
"I AM THE DAWN OF ALL TIME."
Irishoreo, I know it must have been hard but never lose hope. Also, don't feel useless because your mere presence could give strength to your grandmother. Look back on the things she have done for you and your family and surely you'll learn a lot of things that would guide you on the things you have to do now for her.
You will also be in my prayers.
You will also be in my prayers.
