Today, this is how i feel

libera36 · Post by **libera36** » 15 years ago

irishoreo wrote:Today I feel worse than ever with this "cold" that I think has transformed into something else but because I have no health insurance yet I cannot get checked out. I've been working non-stop, 7 days a week minimum 60 hours or more a week so that does not help.

On top of this, my grandmother, who has raised me since I was 3 years old(im 21 now), been through everything with me, from first falls, first day of school, just about first everything, is on her death bed. She has been suffering Ovarian cancer and endometrial cancer for the past 5 years, and it seems to be that she is suddenly losing the battle. It's hurting to see her in so much pain and not being able to anything about it. I'm scared more than I've ever been and it's frustrating. It's so hard to see this rock, the backbone of the family suddenly deteriorate without much warning. I feel useless just not knowing what to do, what my next step will be and should be. She's always done everything as far as bills and etc and no I feel like a chicken with its head cut off.

I thought I had accepted her dying, but everyday it's getting harder and harder to see the woman who has always been my mother slip away.....

My heart goes out to you and your family; stay strong.

jesuspeace34 · Post by **jesuspeace34** » 15 years ago

irishoreo wrote:Today I feel worse than ever with this "cold" that I think has transformed into something else but because I have no health insurance yet I cannot get checked out. I've been working non-stop, 7 days a week minimum 60 hours or more a week so that does not help.

On top of this, my grandmother, who has raised me since I was 3 years old(im 21 now), been through everything with me, from first falls, first day of school, just about first everything, is on her death bed. She has been suffering Ovarian cancer and endometrial cancer for the past 5 years, and it seems to be that she is suddenly losing the battle. It's hurting to see her in so much pain and not being able to anything about it. I'm scared more than I've ever been and it's frustrating. It's so hard to see this rock, the backbone of the family suddenly deteriorate without much warning. I feel useless just not knowing what to do, what my next step will be and should be. She's always done everything as far as bills and etc and no I feel like a chicken with its head cut off.

I thought I had accepted her dying, but everyday it's getting harder and harder to see the woman who has always been my mother slip away.....

I'm sorry that you are going through so much heartache right now. I will be praying for your grandmother.

Nikki178 · Post by **Nikki178** » 15 years ago

irishoreo wrote:Today I feel worse than ever with this "cold" that I think has transformed into something else but because I have no health insurance yet I cannot get checked out. I've been working non-stop, 7 days a week minimum 60 hours or more a week so that does not help.

On top of this, my grandmother, who has raised me since I was 3 years old(im 21 now), been through everything with me, from first falls, first day of school, just about first everything, is on her death bed. She has been suffering Ovarian cancer and endometrial cancer for the past 5 years, and it seems to be that she is suddenly losing the battle. It's hurting to see her in so much pain and not being able to anything about it. I'm scared more than I've ever been and it's frustrating. It's so hard to see this rock, the backbone of the family suddenly deteriorate without much warning. I feel useless just not knowing what to do, what my next step will be and should be. She's always done everything as far as bills and etc and no I feel like a chicken with its head cut off.

I thought I had accepted her dying, but everyday it's getting harder and harder to see the woman who has always been my mother slip away.....

I know how you feel. I'll include your grandmother in my prayers as well.

irishoreo · Post by **irishoreo** » 15 years ago

Thank you all, It is much appreciated. Grandma just had to go into the hospital(shes been at home because providing if she does pass she wants to pass away at home) for blood transfusions, so i'm hoping this will help a little bit.

Nikki how is your mother progressing?

Nikki178 · Post by **Nikki178** » 15 years ago

My mom's improving, bit by bit, as the days go by. Just today she opened her eyes and focused her vision on my aunt who was standing beside her for three whole minutes. A big improvement considering she only opened her eyes for half a minute the day before.

Irishoreo, I know how you feel. My mom is also the backbone of our family. She takes care of all of us when were sick and she cooks for four houses (my dorm, my sister's dorm, my aunt's house and our house). Watching her sleep on a hospital bed for almost three weeks straight and not knowing when she'll wake up is by far the hardest thing we've ever went through.

Just hang in there. I'll include your grandmother in my prayers.

xsakurax · Post by **xsakurax** » 15 years ago

irishoreo wrote:Today I feel worse than ever with this "cold" that I think has transformed into something else but because I have no health insurance yet I cannot get checked out. I've been working non-stop, 7 days a week minimum 60 hours or more a week so that does not help.

On top of this, my grandmother, who has raised me since I was 3 years old(im 21 now), been through everything with me, from first falls, first day of school, just about first everything, is on her death bed. She has been suffering Ovarian cancer and endometrial cancer for the past 5 years, and it seems to be that she is suddenly losing the battle. It's hurting to see her in so much pain and not being able to anything about it. I'm scared more than I've ever been and it's frustrating. It's so hard to see this rock, the backbone of the family suddenly deteriorate without much warning. I feel useless just not knowing what to do, what my next step will be and should be. She's always done everything as far as bills and etc and no I feel like a chicken with its head cut off.

I thought I had accepted her dying, but everyday it's getting harder and harder to see the woman who has always been my mother slip away.....

Keep praying, the glimmer of hope no matter how small will always be there. On my table there's this ornament thing that says "Prayer changes things". Hope it helps.

TEB · Post by **TEB** » 15 years ago

Today, I feel very sad and lonely.
I spent the weekend visiting my close friends who moved the 300 miles away in January. It was such a wonderful weekend full of fun and just being with a real family that gets along and loves each other.
It hit me about half way home that all I have that looks to me is my cat. And if she could get someone else to fill the dish, even she wouldn't miss me. No messages on my phone or anything. I wonder if anyone even noticed I was gone?

xsakurax · Post by **xsakurax** » 15 years ago

TEB wrote:Today, I feel very sad and lonely.
I spent the weekend visiting my close friends who moved the 300 miles away in January. It was such a wonderful weekend full of fun and just being with a real family that gets along and loves each other.
It hit me about half way home that all I have that looks to me is my cat. And if she could get someone else to fill the dish, even she wouldn't miss me. No messages on my phone or anything. I wonder if anyone even noticed I was gone?

Don't be, don't forget that you have friends from this forum as well!

jesuspeace34 · Post by **jesuspeace34** » 15 years ago

xsakurax wrote:
TEB wrote:Today, I feel very sad and lonely.
I spent the weekend visiting my close friends who moved the 300 miles away in January. It was such a wonderful weekend full of fun and just being with a real family that gets along and loves each other.
It hit me about half way home that all I have that looks to me is my cat. And if she could get someone else to fill the dish, even she wouldn't miss me. No messages on my phone or anything. I wonder if anyone even noticed I was gone?
Don't be, don't forget that you have friends from this forum as well!

That's true, you have many friends here. I'm sure people noticed that you were gone. I know that we would.

Narnian · Post by **Narnian** » 15 years ago

TEB wrote:Today, I feel very sad and lonely.
I spent the weekend visiting my close friends who moved the 300 miles away in January. It was such a wonderful weekend full of fun and just being with a real family that gets along and loves each other.
It hit me about half way home that all I have that looks to me is my cat. And if she could get someone else to fill the dish, even she wouldn't miss me. No messages on my phone or anything. I wonder if anyone even noticed I was gone?

You are not alone! You are one of my fav's member

TEB · Post by **TEB** » 15 years ago

Narnian wrote:
TEB wrote:Today, I feel very sad and lonely.
I spent the weekend visiting my close friends who moved the 300 miles away in January. It was such a wonderful weekend full of fun and just being with a real family that gets along and loves each other.
It hit me about half way home that all I have that looks to me is my cat. And if she could get someone else to fill the dish, even she wouldn't miss me. No messages on my phone or anything. I wonder if anyone even noticed I was gone?
You are not alone! You are one of my fav's member

I am feeling better today guys. Thanks.
Part of it yesterday was that leaving them to come home brought out the same feelings as when they left in January. They have made me part of their family and I think of them just like that. Plus their son and I have hit it off pretty good. You should have seen me. A 51 year old trying to keep up with a 12 year old.

Needless to say, I slept good both nights I was there.

Nikki178 · Post by **Nikki178** » 15 years ago

I realized today that it's hard to be excited given the situation that I'm in. Libera's M&G is on Wednesday and the concert on Friday. On Monday I'll be leaving for an out-of-country trip with my sister yet I can't work myself up to that giddy excitement I usually go straight to when that thing I've been looking forward to is nearing.

I'm not excited nor am I sad about the whole thing... I just don't feel anything...

carina_gino20 · Post by **carina_gino20** » 15 years ago

Nikki178 wrote:I realized today that it's hard to be excited given the situation that I'm in. Libera's M&G is on Wednesday and the concert on Friday. On Monday I'll be leaving for an out-of-country trip with my sister yet I can't work myself up to that giddy excitement I usually go straight to when that thing I've been looking forward to is nearing.

I'm not excited nor am I sad about the whole thing... I just don't feel anything...

How is your Mom?

Nikki178 · Post by **Nikki178** » 15 years ago

carina_gino20 wrote:
Nikki178 wrote:I realized today that it's hard to be excited given the situation that I'm in. Libera's M&G is on Wednesday and the concert on Friday. On Monday I'll be leaving for an out-of-country trip with my sister yet I can't work myself up to that giddy excitement I usually go straight to when that thing I've been looking forward to is nearing.

I'm not excited nor am I sad about the whole thing... I just don't feel anything...
How is your Mom?

Great news! My mom started talking more a few days ago. Mostly requests and complains but she's talking nonetheless.

She even laughs.

My sister and I will be heading off tomorrow morning. I haven't even packed yet. I'm busy trying to come up with decent voice messages for my mom for the six days we won't be able to go to the hospital.

Narnian · Post by **Narnian** » 15 years ago

Hey, Nikki!

Watta good news!

I am happy with you. G.o.d. bless ya & ya mom 2